The Christian Noob (n00b)

born & raised Catholic, now going to a Presbyterian church & still learning

got a secret? life of closet junkie

Zuzanna II (The Mortelle Series, Skye Nicolas & Marlon Richards; Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic)I take lots of medication — enough to kill someone or, at least, fry his/her brain leaving him/her possibly in a coma. If I don’t take my medication, I often do stupid things as I fight the demons in my head empty-handed. I guess I’M A CLOSET JUNKIE — not that anyone cares.

I’ve already overdosed proving that I’m a miserable nobody — as a mere gutter-ridden addict dying for his next fix. I’ve had my annoying highs (jokes) and nasty lows — flirting with death (suicide). Of course, cheating death (surviving by the skin of my teeth) is a whole different story. In either case, I still face the romanticism and beauty of death in its hypnotizing eyes and laugh at its seductive voice.

This is the secret life of an evil man, a sadist, degenerate and dirty man. It’s too obvious and, as such, no further explanation would be needed.

This is the secret life of sick man, whom no one cared to help for almost four decades. Antipsychotics, a psychiatrist, a psychotherapist and my so-called faith have helped although making me an addict in thousands of ways.

This is the not-so-secret life of a man who hates himself yet must live for his innocent children.

This is the not-so-secret life of a Christian with Pagan traditions influenced by craft. I’m a closet atheist, a closet Pagan, a mere bastard going with the flow of the Church and its rites.


C’est la vie, merde, merde, beaucoup merde!

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2 responses to “got a secret? life of closet junkie

  1. JAPinson 06/10/2013 at 10:19:52

    It is my presumption that you did not post this out of a desire for many, vaguely meaningless expressions of sympathy. But for whatever it may be worth to you at this point in your life, I want to tell you I will be praying for you.

    It is further my presumption that you did not post this out of a desire for advice or opinions. But I would be remiss in neglecting to tell you that whatever mental health afflictions you may have, including addiction if in fact you are an addict, are not to your discredit as a person. You are not worthless for your brain chemistry. Nor are you worthless for your behavior, if you’ll permit me to say so.

    Lastly, there is nothing wrong in wrestling with multiple faiths (or athiesm). Nothing at all wrong.

    • Frank Olvera (aka "The Christian Noob") 06/10/2013 at 11:10:20

      Sympathy’s the last thing in my mind. I just vent my anger at times — in this case, being told that I’m a junkie for taking medications in order to keep my mental chemistry in check. I’m not an addict in that sense. I’m merely trying to cope with the demons in my head. If anything, drinking was my almost addiction, but I quit on time.

      Opinions are always welcome. At least, I know that someone’s reading this and actually takes a minute to say what he/she thinks (at times negatively, yet still welcome). :)

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