The Christian Noob (n00b)

born & raised Catholic, now going to a Presbyterian church & still learning

worst father ever, me

I do everything possible for my boys, but whatever I do is and will never be enough and I’ve got need to sugarcoat it.

  1. I’m not there for my oldest child (19). It doesn’t matter how much I miss him. I haven’t been with him in the good and bad. I’ve truly failed him regardless how many times he may say otherwise.
  2. My middle child (9) was diagnosed with a disorder when he was a still practically a baby. For the past seven to eight years, there’s been very little that I’ve been able to accomplish to improve his quality of life, but he’s not healed.
  3. My youngest (2) seems to be healthy as all his tests come back clean (perhaps inconclusive, maybe too early to tell). Perhaps he doesn’t feel loved and/or cared for appropriately since taking care of my second child (his own brother) demands lots of time and effort, but he doesn’t know how to express it or simply can’t — at least, not as of yet. At times I can’t give my youngest everything he wants (toys especially) since most of the money I earn is spent on medications and therapies for my middle child.

It’s depressing to fall short for my children. I’m practically taking from one child to give to the other. Further more, I don’t like the possible wrong “values” that I may be teaching my three boys. Having them baptized as Christians isn’t enough.

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