The Christian Noob (n00b)

born & raised Catholic, now going to a Presbyterian church & still learning

suicide by cop (God hiding)

The term emotionally disturbed is often used to describe any individual with a mental disorder that may cause harm to him/herself and/or others. The term fits the mental state of anyone who’s in a state of shock, for example, as result from receiving the news of the death of a loved one. Such shock may induce the individual to feel a range of opposite emotions at the same time like anger, sorrow, self pity, anxiety, confusion, depression and/or other random reactions. Depending on the stimulus, the individual may even reach aggression to him/herself and/or others. The latter doesn’t mean that the individual in question has suffered at any point in his/her life of any form of mental disorder (chemical imbalance in the brain, what I mockingly call a defective brain). Of course, in the case of an individual with chemical imbalance may reach a level of aggression to him/herself and/or to others much more quickly.

Regardless of that person’s brain chemistry, that individual might become suicidal (with or without the option of the urge to harm others too). This is where suicide by any method and/or arrangement could be considered and engaged — suicide by hanging (strangulation), overdose, cutting main blood vessels (wrist, neck, etc), other forms of mutilation, including suicide by cop. In the latter, the individual would incite the police to respond to a possible threat to others from an armed perpetrator. During the response, the individual would normally engage in what the police officer(s) would consider a personal threat. In that moment, the reptile brain of the police officer(s) takes over engaging in self-preservation allowing the officer(s) to use deadly force. The perpetrator would’ve fooled the officer(s) into believing in a possible attack in order for the officer(s) to pull the trigger.

During the emotional turmoil, the person might opt to ignore his/her religious values — regardless whether he/she commends his/her soul to God before death. Then again, the toughest question remains. Where does God hide during all this?

“Ask how come Jesus cured the demon possessed, and yet psychiatry claims there is still no cure for schizophrenia or bipolar, only management.”

Of course, not only individuals with defective brains commit suicide and/or cause to themselves as well as others. As a matter of fact, I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t thought about suicide at any given point in his/her life.

Said the latter, I’ve lived all my life (as far as I can remember, as early as age four or five) with a defective brain. I’ve undoubtedly engaged in bodily harm to myself many times, but I might not be here today if it wasn’t for my friend Julian calling a coward for not willing to endure and looking for an easy way out. Where was God when I first tried to kill myself? At least, I’ve never stood in front of the barrel of a gun — at least not out of my own free will.


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