The Christian Noob (n00b)

born & raised Catholic, now going to a Presbyterian church & still learning

life after sex: surviving

Julie Taylor Shematz, founder of Beauty From Ashes MinistriesSurviving sex trafficking and/or abuse is difficult. Most survivors don’t open up and tell no one about their experiences. The few who do might look for help on-line and/or in a clinic.

“Survivors must be leaders in the development of services, shelter, and response protocols to sex trafficking.”
— National Report on Domestic Minor Sex Trafficking

Rape falls under sex trafficking. It’s the will to destroy and/or dominate the victim, the opportunity to commit murder and other sexually deviant behaviors. In other words, we refer to all sexual activity that’s not consensual and/or degrades the victim. In few words, it’s the vilest form of crime to women, children and men (most likely in this order considering statistics).

25 But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die:
26 But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:
27 For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.
— Deuteronomy 22:25-27 (KJV)

There are many ministries (for example, Beauty From Ashes Ministries) and secular groups (Pandora’s Project) that specialize in the rehabilitation of survivors — although never a full cure. Flashbacks and especially mistrust are present for most of (if not all) the survivor’s life.

The worse part of the abuse is pregnancy by some stranger who doesn’t care about the mother or might never know of the offspring, forced abortions to keep the commodity (victim) serviceable or allowed to have the child who’d grow up in this environment. In the case of a female child, she might even be sold for sexual slavery (sex with a virgin, etc). Child trafficking is the worse crime anyone can commit. It even breaks unwritten rules (some sort of code of honor between criminals) where the worse of the criminal — knowing his/her limitations as a parasite to society — will even kill these child molesters. At least, there are groups like Children of the Night that rescues these children from prostitution.

North Korean ‘Bride Slaves’ Sold into Misery

“Lured by the promise of food, money and a better life, human smugglers are tricking hundreds of North Korean women each year into a web of human trafficking.”

As such, trafficking also involves slavery for adults and/or children like

  1. forced labor (as stated below by the FBI ),
  2. forced pornography,
  3. forced or persuaded sexual favors,
  4. forced prostitution
  5. and/or forced intercourse with one or several controlling individuals (pimps).

The control used on these women (mostly) is the result of drug addiction, debts owed to these traffickers that bring men and women to the US illegally and, at times, the desperation not made an example to others (murdered, beaten, mutilated, etc). Any way you see it, we’re talking about the same victim raped numerous times for any given period of time by one or multiple perpetrators.

Trafficking also includes any form of underage sexual interaction such as

  1. weather voluntary (brain-washed) or not,
  2. molestation of boys and girls
  3. and even purchase of virgins to rape them.

In a country like the US, it’s incredible that children are exploited sexually for the sick enjoyment of others. The US Government qualifies any action involving minors as a federal crime (Federal Child Exploitation Laws), in which watching or owning material is grounds for prosecution. Nonetheless traffickers continue to produce their filth. This brings us back to the Traci Lords case, in which the federal government order the destruction of all material that made when Lords was a minor.

It’s sad but true: here in this country, people are being bought, sold, and smuggled like modern-day slaves.

They are trapped in lives of misery–often beaten, starved, and forced to work as prostitutes or to take grueling jobs as migrant, domestic, restaurant, or factory workers with little or no pay. We’re working hard to stop human trafficking–not only because of the personal and psychological toll it takes on society, but also because it facilitates the illegal movement of immigrants across borders and provides a ready source of income for organized crime groups and even terrorists.

I had a chance to interview Julie Taylor Shematz (pictured in this post) from Beauty From Ashes Ministries (“Where Victims Become Over-Comers” ) who told me what they do help survivors.

“Beauty From Ashes was conceived in the heart of a survivor of commercialized sexual exploitation and sex trafficking, Julie Taylor Shematz. Upon finally exiting the sex-for-sale business, through an act of fully surrendering her life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, her heart went back to all the women and girls she had worked with nationwide over a 7 year period. She desired to develop resources to assist those that want help, to get help. She began doing strip club outreaches into the clubs she had worked in 2002 and officially formed Beauty From Ashes Ministries as non-profit, 501c3, public charity in 2005.

Based out of the United Way House in North Fort Myers, Florida, in collaboration with the United Way, Lee Physicians Health Care, and the Salvation Army, Beauty From Ashes provides professional, integrated, and comprehensive medical, mental health, social, and spiritual services to clients. The Master’s level, full time staff of over-comers are recognized as experts in outreach, aftercare, and provide training, consulting, and referrals to governmental and nongovernmental agencies nationwide. Their programs include Prevention, Intervention, Restoration, and Advocacy . Since 2005, Beauty From Ashes has served over 1000 clients.

Shematz is currently a full time graduate student at Florida Gulf Coast University in the Mental Health Counseling program with an anticipated graduation date of May 2013. She recently accepted the nomination, by staff, for the 2012 Graduate Student of the Year award and maintains a 4.0 GPA. Assisting and encouraging victims, either directly or indirectly, to become over-comers, continues to motivate her. For more information on Florida’s 1st and only human trafficking, overcomer-led, community service agency, visit”

As we understand, most victims of rape are women, but there’s a small number of male victims, usually small boys. The following is a real email, in which the names have been changed to protect both parties.

“Toni” <xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

I’m writing again just to give you a little update on my story and to
thank you for the links. Two days ago, I asked my mom about a kid who
lived with us when I was a child and memories that I have had for years
of having anal sex with him back then. As it turns out, she never knew
anything that might have happened to me close to 32 years ago (late
1975 or 1976) and she’s asking me for details.

One thing that might have helped me is my wicked sense of humor. I
often laugh at myself and try not to take myself too seriously. These
memories this abuse might have affected me trusting people in general
including loved ones, not being able to hold a steady relationship,
going through two divorces, enjoying pain and being somewhat
disconnected from sex. I’m a mess (ha, ha), but too proud for anyone’s
pity. Just in case you’re wondering, I’ll be 36 years old next month and
I can proudly say that I’m straight.

cheers & once again thanks,

> “Steffani” <xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> Hi Toni,
> thanks for getting in touch – I am really glad that found the site
> helpful and I hope that it will be helpful to the girl you are
> trying to help. I am glad that she has you to support her.
> I am so sorry that you were hurt as a child. You are welcome to
> join the message board [at a site like]
> it is a message board for all survivors and has a forum especially
> for men. It also has a links section which [includes] links to
> survivor sites that are especially for men. One that includes a
> discussion board is
> I hope that you find the support that you deserve to have.
> Best wishes,
> Steffani
>> “Toni” <xxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
>> Hi,
>> Using Google I found your page on coping with sexual assault while
>> looking for a way to help a girl very close to my heart. I just
>> wanted to say thank you. The idea of celebrating a re-birth is
>> great and help her. I just wish she likes it too so I can buy her
>> a chocolate cake. I love this girl and I can’t stand seeing her
>> suffer.
>> By the way I have my story too when I was 4 or 5. It’s funny how you
>> can’t tell what really happened from the false memories. Being a man
>> can be very confusing, being a victim and being accused of
>> homosexuality by family. Hence the myth that a man who is raped
>> would become gay. If you know of a site that can help me with my
>> own demons, let me know. Once again thank you.
>> cheers,
>> Toni

From the Male Survivor website, mentioned above, I found a good article to avoid sexual abuse on children.

What you can do to help protect children from abuse

“Oftentimes it’s very difficult to spot a child who has been abused. Feelings of shame and guilt operate to keep a child from speaking up about what is happening to them. Abusers coerce, cajole, and threaten their victims into remaining silent. This is especially true when both the child and his or her family know the abuser.”
— Christopher M Anderson, Vice President, Male Survivor

Special thanks to (in alphabetical order) for helping me and giving their contribution writing this series of articles.

  1. Christopher M Anderson (Vice President of Male Survivor)
  2. Harmony Dust (founder of Treasures)
  3. Sheena Flynn, Clinical Director at Baltic Street Clinic
  4. porn-site girl from Oregon who declined being interviews — thanks anyway
  5. porn-site girl from Quebec who never responded my emails — merci
  6. Stefanie & Toni

One response to “life after sex: surviving

  1. Pingback: #ididnotreport | ChristianNoob | Provoketive Magazine

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