The Christian Noob (n00b)

born & raised Catholic, now going to a Presbyterian church & still learning

suicide: the coward’s way out

Julian with his wife Nancy and son EliasMy friend Julián drops by this blog now and then. We talk about religion (his lack of faith vs. my broken faith). It’s fun talking to him and picking his brain.

If there’s anything worth remembering from teasing him is his opinion on suicide (at least, what came out of my mouth once, a bit over two decades ago). He said that suicide’s a coward‘s way out of trouble, pain or whatever similar scenario.

I was extremely suicidal back then, but I still held on to my false sense of pride. As much as I wanted to kill myself in the most painful and horrible way possible, I remember thinking that I wasn’t going to be called a coward or be seen as such. Better yet, I decided at that point to live for the sole purpose of pissing off all those who didn’t like me and wanted me dead.

My friend’s mockery on the psychology behind suicide might have saved my much too pathetic life. I once told him this and he couldn’t remember any of this. Dude, you saved a life and you couldn’t even remember. Your rabbi should kick you in the ass!

Although I’m still suicidal, I’ve got three reasons to live — my three boys (aside from pissing off many people).


4 responses to “suicide: the coward’s way out

  1. Julián 02/11/2013 at 08:33:57

    Man… I was upset with you after reading your previous post. Now I am speechless… I do not know what to say, other than I am glad that you are here!

    • Julián 02/11/2013 at 09:05:49

      Pancho, this is an unexpected gift. When I moved back to Argentina I was teaching science in a high school. One of my students was named Sabrina. She was 14, a pretty, smart and quiet girl. One day during class she asked me if it was true that if you jumped out from a building you will pass out before hitting the ground. I answered that I though that was probably not true. I took it as another of the many random questions my students asked me. A few days later she jumped from a ten storey building. We never knew why she did it.
      Sabrina has haunted me for twenty years. I often think about what she took from herself. The people she did not meet and loved. The books she did not read. The places she did not travelled to. I have always felt guilt because I could not see what was happening to her and could not help her.
      In a strange way, with your post you have lifted some of that weight…

    • Frank Olvera (aka "The Christian Noob") 02/11/2013 at 09:32:48

      Isn’t nice to hear the quiet? 🙂

      • Julián 02/11/2013 at 09:48:27


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