The Christian Noob (n00b)

born & raised Catholic, now going to a Presbyterian church & still learning

psychotic for Lenten, day 10 & the missing books of the Bible (lies, rejected, stolen, lost, destroyed, etc) conspiracy

ashes to ashes, dust to dustI’m curious what books the early Christians (still referred to as Jews) thought as important (canon) and otherwise (Gnostic texts). The most stupid answer that I ever got was that the books in the canon expressed authority (sorry Mel, wrong answer from a seminarian). If the latter were true, the hymn Amazing Grace could then be added to the canon if written over two millennia ago. Would Elvis have sung it though?

John Collier- Lilith - detailThe story of Lilith — Adam’s first wife — has always caught my attention. She’s often represented a demon who preys on little children and lonely men — a succubus. Lilith is such a cool name for a little trouble-maker girl, but a HERECY specially in synagogue.

The story Mary Magdalene (painting by John Collier, 1882, on the left) as a prostitute is nowhere in the Bible. Some clergymen at some point decided that a woman in power was dangerous and tainted her character. Maybe she was just a good woman tending Jesus and the Disciples. Maybe she was indeed the wife of Jesus (Gospel of Philip 59), which is the biggest HERECY of them all found in many early Christian writings.

“The wisdom which (humans) call barren is herself the Mother of the Angels. And the companion of the [Christ] is Mariam the Magdalene. The [Lord loved] Mariam more than [all the (other)] Disciples, [and he] kissed her often on her [mouth]. The other [women] saw his love for Mariam, they say to him: Why do thou love [her] more than all of us? The Savior replied, he says to them: Why do I not love you as (I do) her?” (Philip 59)

Does this mean that Jesus was a man? Of course, he was. He ate, drank, laughed, made friends, loved his friends, honored his family and did all those things that we (humans) take for granted.

Then was he GOD incarnate? Yes, read John 1:1-13.

“1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 The same was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life; and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. 6 There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. 8 He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. 9 That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. 11 He came unto his own, and his own received him not. 12 But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: 13 Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.” (John 1:1-13 KJV)

Does this mean that the body of Jesus didn’t die on the cross? Of course, his body died. His spirit then went to hell to defeat death (sin), rose from the dead, put his body on (funny was to say it, as if putting new clothes) and reappeared to his closest friends — the Apostles (male and female) — before ascending to Heaven.

Apostles’ Creed (c. 390)
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
the Maker of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost,
born of the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried;
He descended into hell.
The third day he arose from the dead;
He ascended into heaven,
and sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty;
from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Ghost;
the holy catholic* Church; the communion of saints;
the forgiveness of sins; the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting. Amen.
from PC(USA)

For the language nerds, the following is the Latin text.

Symbolum Apostolicum (c. 390)
Credo in Deum Patrem omnipotentem, Creatorem caeli et terrae,
et in Iesum Christum, Filium Eius unicum, Dominum nostrum,
qui conceptus est de Spiritu Sancto, natus ex Maria Virgine,
passus sub Pontio Pilato, crucifixus, mortuus, et sepultus,
descendit ad inferos, tertia die resurrexit a mortuis,
ascendit ad caelos, sedet ad dexteram Patris omnipotentis,
inde venturus est iudicare vivos et mortuos.
Credo in Spiritum Sanctum,
sanctam Ecclesiam catholicam, sanctorum communionem,
remissionem peccatorum,
carnis resurrectionem,
vitam aeternam.

from Wikepedia

The whole idea that Catholic priests and nuns must remain asexual is dangerously stupid. More priests have been caught with their pants at their ankles than most other stereotypical perverts. In most cases, little boys are the victims whom society forces to be strong and stay quiet. Needless to say (type), sexual abuse is sexual abuse regardless of the sex of the criminal and/or the sex of the victim. Some might read this and call it HERECY while ignoring the law of man, which all men and women regardless of religion are subject to. Of course, some rapist and criminals are not like others. Some have deep pockets to bribe the broken justice system. Now this is a BLOODY HERECY.

Pastors (male and female) should be married or able to marry as well as procreate.

In any (twisted) case, today’s Lent devotional comes from Psalm 27:1-6 (KJV) — thanks Linda at FAPC.

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.
3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.
5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.
6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.

catholic (small c) = universal
Catholic (capital C) = The Roman Catholic Church


6 responses to “psychotic for Lenten, day 10 & the missing books of the Bible (lies, rejected, stolen, lost, destroyed, etc) conspiracy

  1. tmonju 02/22/2013 at 09:57:31

    Paul addresses this issue very thuroughly in 1 Corinthians 7:25-40. Here’s a quote from it: “even if you do marry, you have not sinned…” It does say that those who don’t marry save themselves the trouble of having a spouse (which all of us married folks can understand!) but it also says that having a spouse is not a bad nor evil thing.
    I’ve always thought that the rules about catholic priests remaining virginal is the root cause of all the sick sexual sins going on in the church. It’s not easy to be sexually pure in the first place, much less if there’s a huge expectation hanging over your head that doesn’t allow for any sexual behavior at all. God created us as sexual beings. To ignore that and to teach that sex is evil and unclean creates weird and wrong thoughts. I often feel bad for the priests who have gotten so weirded out that they are acting out on innocent children. (I obviously feel much worse for the kids!)

    • Frank Olvera (aka "The Christian Noob") 02/22/2013 at 12:05:10

      Let me start with a joke.

      having a spouse is not a bad nor evil thing.

      It’s the pain-in-the-… thing 🙂

      Joking aside, 1 Corinthians 7:25-40 is long. I’m guessing you refer to 1 Corinthians 7:28 when you said, “even if you do marry, you have not sinned.”

      “25 Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. 27 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 28 But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. 29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; 30 And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; 31 And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. 32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: 33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. 34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. 35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. 36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. 38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. 39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.”

      I guess you agree with me when I say that a priest/vicar/pastor/mister/preacher should be married, enjoy his/her sex life and have a family.

      Now the other question about sex, can a woman be at the altar just as a man can? In the church I go to, three of the five pastors are women and the other two have nicely kept beards.

      • tmonju 02/27/2013 at 15:09:07

        Actually the long passage is awesome and includes the context, but focusing on 7:28 is ok…. ( : And yeah, ha,ha,ha…. having a spouse is sometimes a huge pain in the butt. (at least mine is…!, just don’t tell him I said so)

  2. zanspence 02/22/2013 at 11:58:27

    Hey Frank,
    Nice post!

    There are really 3 groups of non-canon(from a protestant perspective, strong theologians feel free to correct me where necessary)
    1. Apochrypha – Not included in protestant bible. But in the Catholic and Orthodox bibles. Mainly because of the time of writing and Jewish stance that all prophecy ended after captivity and that the apochrypha only survived in Greek.
    2. Pseudepigraph-much later Jewish writings
    3. Gnostics – a broad term of books written by more mystical believers

    I don’t think orthodox (meaning basic Christianity and the 5 solas) Christian would be interested in the Gnostics because of who I know God to be. The Pseudepigraph has some that I think are okay. And I fully embrace Apochrypha to help expound historically on the time between Malicahi Jesus’ birth.

    I think delving into biblical history has to be for a desire to grow in faith and not to nullify that is the Word of God. The bible is a library under the sovereign control of our creator who wants us to know him and love him back. He created man and linguistics and literature so that we could communicate and know him. There is a lot of sensationalized books by non-believers with the approach that “books were banned”. What has survived is by the will of God. Any incremental knowledge of any scripture even from the canon has to grow faith. Otherwise we will be like 2 Timothy 3:7: “Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”.

    Just my thoughts.

    • Frank Olvera (aka "The Christian Noob") 02/22/2013 at 12:15:19

      I always appreciate your thoughts. You make me think.

      I’d like to have apocrypha, pseudepigraph, Gnostic as well as a copy of the Talmud and the Quran (the latter two in English). It’d be so cool to read, study and brain-storm with others alike.

  3. zanspence 02/22/2013 at 11:58:55

    LOL @ “asexual”. LOL.

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