Needless to say (type) and, worse yet, to admit, God’s gone missing. We’re a bit past half way through Lent (27 of 46), but I’d always thought God was a prayer away.
My brain malfunctions all the time and I haven’t been able to smile for a long while — aside from silly jokes from my kids
“I don’t like coconut water.
It tastes funny
and it’s going to make me giggle.”
— my four-year-old (03/10/2013)
or when listening to The Ramones or The Clash or watching a sitcom or other crap on TV.
- My twenty-one-year-old’s upset at what I’ve written in some of my posts. He’s also upset at my weight and want me to care for myself better.
- My eleven-year-old’s still not cured or healthy. He’s still in pain, vomiting, in constant risk of another seizure and whatever other surprise his compound medical condition might bring. All the while, doctors and other so-called experts can’t do anything and don’t know what to do to help my son. Most importantly, no one — even God — seems not to care.
- My four-year-old’s caught in the middle of this charade of life. He’s learning how bad life is at such a young age. He’s angry, happy, confused and every other emotion a small child can go through feeling unable to take control of life around him.
Life’s a painful and godless experience.
Yet I try to hold on to what’s left of my weak faith. Today’s devotional comes from Romans 7:1-12 where Paul rambles like a drunken sailor. I must admit that the epistles have never been my favorite part of the Bible as I feel this is where the corruption of Christianity started.
“1 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? 2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. 4 Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God. 5 For when we were in the flesh, the motions of sins, which were by the law, did work in our members to bring forth fruit unto death. 6 But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter. 7 What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law: for I had not known lust, except the law had said, Thou shalt not covet. 8 But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead. 9 For I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died. 10 And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death. 11 For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me. 12 Wherefore the law is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.” (Romans 7:1-12 KJV)
In all, where’s GOD?
Is there really a GOD and a HEAVEN? If so, God, please take my sick child and allow him to live without pain. Better yet, I’ll trade you whatever I have for his health.
Was Nietzsche right when he claimed, “Gott ist tot“ — such herecy, blasphemy or secret truth? At times, it feels as such, but we’ve faith that it’s not so.
“God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Yet his shadow still looms. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?”
— Nietzsche, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, Section 125